There’s Peace in Process

I’ve held back on this post since typing up it’s title in June. Back then I had this overwhelming need to write about surrender and acceptance, presence and patience. I felt like I was just on the brink of reaching it. Just.

See I returned home to the lovely Apple-Isle of Tasmania at the end of 2011 after spending seven glorious years in sunny Queensland. I was convinced that I’d be here ‘just for a little while’ until my husband finished out his fly-in-fly-out contract. I was sure his work would return us interstate in a year or so. While it wasn’t my first choice to come back home I resided to the fact that I should settle-in to enjoy being closer to family and old friends and discover a new romance with Tassie’s well known unique island lifestyle.

I hated it.

For a long time. In fact there were probably two whole years I spent completely absorbed by a mindset that had me pointing out everything I didn’t like about my location and circumstance. I struggled through the darkness and freezing temperatures of winter. My job wasn’t giving me the kicks I needed to feel progressive in my career and I felt a complete disconnect from mainland Australia the rest of the world. And without detailing too much of my inner Negative-Nancy’s stories let’s just say in a nutshell Tassie’s lifestyle is typical of that in most regional areas  – it’s just not for me.

Naturally my mental state took a battering in this frame of mind. Nancy crept into any space I’d let her. I saw very little good, every bit of the bad and spotted the ugly (and unfortunate) a mile away. I have to say, while my friends are reluctant to, I know this attitude turned me into a real drag to be around. Who wants to go out with a chic who’s all about telling you how crap the town is that you choose to live in? Yep, draaag.

I knew it was happening. I could feel my good vibes and optimistic outlook on life flying out the frosted door. But my wish and will for things to change was so strong and no match for a few self-help books and positive inspiration feeds I grappled with.

All because it wasn’t perfect. The situation wasn’t my ideal. And ultimately, what I wanted wasn’t happening when I wanted it to. Tutt, tutt, tutt.

In the moments we feel like we’re at battle with ourselves and our lives I think it’s pretty hard to do what we know is right and ‘trust the process’. And in my experience most people choose to mutter these words only when there’s a positive opportunity in the mix. Rarely are they spoken when you’re in a completely screwed up situation e.g. after the four hour drive to Falls Festival you realize you left your ticket at home (true story!), not cool and pretty hard to see why ‘trust’ in that process would benefit you.

So yes, it’s harder than it sounds but evidently it can work out. It does work out.

When I drafted this post back in June I’d surrendered to trusting in the process. It’s all I had left. I’d spent so much energy on wishing and willing things to happen a certain way that my ‘wishing’ well was at an all time low – I was tired.

But with fatigue came surrender. Surrender grew acceptance and acceptance let me just be. And just being (in it’s simplest form) is the most blissful state I can be in regardless of it’s geographic location.

Surrender started small. Rather than resent all the big things that triggered my Negative-Nancy attitude I focused on the act itself. I opted out of criticizing the limited night-life options that drove me crazy and focused on the opportunity of actually having a girls night instead. I was after all lucky I to have my good girlfriends around me. Gratitude grew. And rather than curse the cold weather, I treasure-hunted hearty and healthy recipes, learnt to light a fire and devoured Pinterest for winter outfit inspiration.

They were small (but deliberate) changes in my focus and kept me exactly where I needed to be and discover what I needed to learn: presence and patience.

Then, it happened.

Last Thursday, my husband greeted me at the door with words I’d been waiting so long to hear: ‘We’re all on for Newcastle.’

In seconds after he gave me the news I wish I could tell you that that I had a cathartic outpouring of relief, excitement and gratitude for what was now finally happening. There was no such moment.

And a quote comes to mind:

“Peace is in the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.”

Wayne W. Dwyer

And that’s the only explanation I have for my reaction; I’m at peace with the process.

I truly believe that when you totally accept your moment in time, when you unashamedly learn the lesson and give complete acknowledgement to the feeling – effortlessly – things will start to make sense. Life will seem to fit and striving will stop.

Like I said – it’s harder than it sounds – but if you’re beating yourself about because things aren’t flowing and life just isn’t panning out as planned do the thing that you’re most fearful of: surrender. Trust the process, see the simple and let the Universe catch you the way it’s meant to.

Images: BustBright, Wokisnotajob.com, Best Quotations 4 U, Coffeeinthemountains.tumbler.com, Joyreactor.com, alohatides

How to tame Rushing Woman’s Syndrome

It’s that big exhale you take after sitting yourself at the steering wheel. It’s the pressure that builds when you count how many minutes you’ve got left until you need to run out the door. It’s the gradual tension that builds in your neck… in that same hard-to-reach spot. That’s your energy levels talking – and it’s not saying nice stuff.

For me, my energy (vibes, feelings, mojo; call it how ever you feel it) is a very, very important indicator of my health. As a general rule I think about my overall health in terms of a transaction – energy in, energy out. Whether it’s food, movement, social gatherings, housework, work-work or just quiet moments to myself. All are moments in time that either replenish or diminish my energy levels. The key I’ve found to managing my overall health and wellbeing is committing to an awareness of my body’s energy and honouring what it needs. Admittedly I get the ‘honouring’ part mixed up a bit.

I don’t think I need a scientific statement here to say that as women, we tend to be in a rush to do everything and be everything to all people. And when we rush we tend to get less connected to the way we feel and more connected to what we’re chasing. Or rather, the perceived need that we must chase at all.

In a bookmark worthy article over at The Whole Daily, Dr Libby Weaver author of Rushing Woman’s Syndrome (and one of Australasia’s leading nutrition specialists and weight loss experts) put what I’ve been trying to grapple with about my energy levels for years into a nice and simple, here’s-why-this-really-happens, tidy little sentence:

“Not that long ago in human history women were given the opportunity to do what had traditionally been their father’s jobs, while maintaining what were traditionally their mother’s responsibilities and what has unfolded for too many women is a frantic double shift, of working day and night, with very little if any rest.”

In short – we can’t do everything yet we feel like we must. And pronto!

A Mumma’s day often transitions from work-lady to home-lady; both are jobs. So we’re wired, 24×7, to get things done as quickly as possible usually with the goal to feel ‘complete’, ‘done’ or may be even just ‘free’ to have damn rest? As Dr Weaver explains, in the evolution of her book, she had never before witnessed so many females in a rush to do everything and be all things to all people.

Enter the Rushing Woman.

In my last few weeks at work I was determined to beat this buzz. I found myself making a new revisiting the previous week’s goal every Sunday: ‘No rushing, no striving – just flow’. But in the Monday morning after the night before of washing dishes, folding laundry, bathing baby, balancing books, paying bills, phone calls from it takes-half-an-hour-to-say-‘Hi’ relatives – truthfully – I was left uninspired by my Sunday mantra.

So I ask myself: ‘What am I doing wrong?’, ‘How can I be so clear on an intention only to be over-run by an intense feeling of overwhelm and lost time?’

If you’re gelling with these scenarios (and before you fly into another session of scolding yourself for what you didn’t get done today) take a moment to think about how you’re using your Third Space.

Let’s park the idea that we should probably focus on letting go of the hellish to-do lists altogether – sometimes our list of non-negotiables fall within one day. And here’s a concept that can help any lady rushing through it.

I first stumbled across leading educator and researcher in human performance, Dr Andrew Fraser, a few years back. His work on (or more appropriately in) the Third Space featured in an article in Madison Magazine a few years back. The concept stuck with me. Here was a whole ‘nother space in time I wasn’t using!

While I’m not advocating (and I am in fact guilty of) giving into a need to set and conquer a ridiculous list of tasks each day maybe we can use the Third Space to manage the huge amount of energy this type of rushing woman syndrome? After all, as Dr Fraser points out, it’s not what we do that matters. But what we do between what we do that counts.

So here’s a couple of Third Spaces to try to help with the transition between your different roles and environment. It’s all with the intent to help you find time and space to manage that precious energy resource that is you.

Your AM Moments:

1. The kettle or smoothie ‘stand-off’: Rather than run away after flicking the switch use this time to stop to stand still and gather your thoughts for the first part of your day ahead.
2. The car ride to calm: No radio, no music and 6 deep breathes will help with a reset (best served up after the school drop-off). Perfect for the transition from home-lady to work-lady.
3. Toilet Time-Out: You gotta go at some point. Use the time at the basin mirror to take in your mornings mishaps and what you don’t want to carry forward into the arvo.

Your PM Moments:

1. Let it go lunch time: Do yourself a favor; never deny yourself a lunch break and use the walk to get it or eat it as a time to reset. The 3pm munchies will thank you.
2. Mindfulness Mailbox: Pause just for a second before you go inside the house. Head over to the mail box and ponder your way back before making you way inside to start back at your home role.
3. Karma charge up: More of a mindfullness reminder before bed and great lead in to a meditation. Charge your phone, charge your mind. Resist the urge to scroll over to Facebook, phone down and eyes closed with a focus on reflecting on the day, resting the mind and resetting for tomorrow.

Images: via We heart it, via Pinterest, via We heart it, lamthanh via Pinterest

The Leibster Award has me sharing

A little confused, a lot stoked and a whole bunch of gushing came over me a couple of weeks ago when the very Honestly, Libby nominated Find+Share forward for a Liebster Award.

What the hell is a Leibster Award? Yep – if you’re new to the online community like me then you’ll be asking this question. From what I can make out thanks to Libby and Lorraine over at WordingWell the award is all about helping out smaller blogs get noticed and connected.

So here are the rules I’ve been given:

Rule #1: Post the award logo on your blog.

Check. It’s in this post.

Rule #2: Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their site.

On it – the fabulous, and honestly, Libby can be found here

Rule #3: Write 11 Random facts about yourself.

This, frighteningly, was what came to mind. And probably what’s more embarrassing is the order.

1. I’m a seeker of ease and stillness but ironically I tend to be so busy getting there that I miss the moment.
2. I’m Mummy to a rad little girl named Harper Hudson <3
3. I’m Wifey to my incredibly supportive and hunk-of-a-husband Mr. Travis Hudson
4. I recently decided to rock a new blonde-do for the first time since ‘splicing’ was cool in grade 10. Still deciding if this was a good decision.
5. I do most things ‘by the book’.
6. I like am obsessed with neatness.
7. I hate cold weather. Like really hate it.
8. It’s taken me a while to figure out life is simple and that I have a tendency to want to complicate it.
   
9. I love magazines and will never buy the ‘e’ version.
10. I get great pleasure from alone time.
11. I treat shopping like a treasure hunt.

Rule #4: Nominate 11 bloggers who you feel deserve this award and who have less than 200 followers.

To be honest I felt I had to kind of break this rule. I could have listed a bunch of small, start-up blogs here but without spending hours and hours on the net getting to know them first I’ve opted to nominate those blogs I know to be quality and worthy of a shout-out. While some have well over 200 followers it’s a list I would honestly recommend you take a quick look at.

1. Sweet Aroma Words (Friend of mine busting the busy world of perfumery.)
2. Little Life of Rachel (So cute , great for reviews and this will be her second nomination by the looks of it.)
3. The Fashion Buzz (I like this chic’s take on showing you her own style – it’s like looking into a friend’s wardrobe.)
4. Eloise’s Diary (A weekly diary with tips and ticks from make-up to recipes.
5.  A Life Less Bullshit (Need I say more?)
6. Design Seeds (Soo good for a colour palette search.)
7. Create As Folk (Laura gives great email if you’re on the verge of trying to change careers.)
8. Apartment Therapy (Take one of the visual tours through an apartment, house or work space for some interior inspo.)
9. Eat Yourself Healthy (Sally Joseph has some great wholesome recipes here.)
10. Always Made With Love (And how can you now?! A pretty place from a swept away Mumma.)
11. And in no way least by being last Trina Holden‘s blog just seems to deliver headlines that ‘click with me’ every time!

Rule #5: Answer the 11 questions they have left and ask your nominees 11 questions 

And here’s what Libby left me… 

1. What’s your favourite book?

Kris Carr’s Crazy, Sexy, Diet – life changer for me. But a recent read, The Comfort of Lies, was pretty good.

2. If your life were a movie, who would play you?

Hmm, Mandy Moore? I have no idea why.

3. If I looked through your iTunes, what song would you be most embarrassed for me to find?

50 cent ‘In Da Club’

4. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Chocolate and a lot of it!

5. What made you want to start a blog?

Seeing someone I knew have turn a blog into a business.

6. Who’s the biggest influence in your life?

My Husband – his chilled nature has rubbed off after 10 years and it’s done me the world of good for me.

7.  Would you rather go camping or to a resort?

Resort – every time.

8. If you could go back to school to learn ANYTHING, what would it be and why?

Maybe design? It was something I thought about but never pursued.

9.  Describe your dream vacation?

Apartment living near a beach – anywhere in the world.

10.  Who was your first crush?

Dylan from Beverly Hills 90210 (gush!)

11. Name a goal you wish to accomplish in the next six months.

Hoping a move is on the way!

 

 

Thanks again Libby for the nomination and I hope my readers enjoyed cruising through the answers <3

 

Images: Stephanie Hudson

Which one is right for you? Quitting versus Letting Go.

A few weeks ago, in a moment of complete peace and clarity, I quit my job.

A much needed disclaimer: this is not a post about how you should drop everything (a.k.a. quite your job), buy a ticket somewhere exotic and set-up camp to go ‘find yourself”. Stay with me for a little…

I’m now well into ‘my notice’ period and I have no regrets about finishing up at the end of the month. This is highly uncharacteristic for a self-confessed planned and calculated person control freak.

I have some loose plans around what I’d like to do next but nothing rigid. And this surprises me the most. Traditionally I’m never without a clear set of next steps, I’m always aware self-conscious of what I ‘should’ be doing and rarely will I commit to any decision until I’ve researched, pondered or given it the once over with a pro-versus-cons list. I’m that friend who is annoying to shop with because she never just buys the pair of shoes. She has to check every other store for the slight possibility that she might make the ‘wrong’ choice and miss a much better style or sale. I’m the girl who fears regret, error and waste.

So why hasn’t this all kicked in to gear after I’ve completed disregarded all of the logical reasons for staying at a good paying, semi-career developing, work-life-balance-orientated and generally all-round great job?

My conclusion? I don’t think I’ve actually quit. I’ve let go.

And as a budding wordsmith I had to get deeper into what that meant – literally. And the dictionaries set me straight. As a round up…

To QUIT brings about words like:

stop, cease, discontinue, give-up, force and (as per my classic example) to resign.

 

To LET GO has connotations of:

permission, being released from, dismissing or escaping to be free.

 

It was the perfectionist mindset that I’d applied to all facets of my life that got me in the ‘quit’ space a few years ago. ‘If you can’t do it right perfectly why do it at all?’ was a re-occurirng  story in my head. So I attempted the resignation. Thanks to an incredibly wise, empathetic manager, mentor and friend – it wasn’t accepted. It’s crazy to think that sometimes people in our lives can see our lives so much clearer than us. What was said as ‘I can’t’, ‘You need someone better’ by me was heard as ‘she needs time to see the good’ and ‘here’s an opportunity to help someone’ by her. Incredibly, incredibly grateful.

So I worked on it. I continued with adjustments. I was in a financial and fateful position that saw me go part-time (and have a baby – yikes!). I accepted that my managers ‘great’ needed to be my ‘enough’ and not ‘you need to do more’. My husband gave every inch of his being to help me without request. I got a nice, professional lady to to ‘talk’ to me once a month. And with this help I found ways to enjoy what I was doing again, actually see good work being done and set time aside to answer an overwhelming call to explore what it really is I want to be pursuing.

This opened my eyes. My grey-glasses had been lifted and the world wasn’t so bad after all. I saw options I could never see in a down-an-out, this-is-my-lot-in-life-so-I-should-just-accept-it funk I’d got myself into. I saw possibility, I realised that a career change wasn’t something to fear or get right the first something. I accepted that the judgement of family, friends, ex-colleagues or people in my network impacted me as much as I choose to let it. I had a stupidly-simply revelation that no one, but you, actually makes rules about how you explore your life or structure it. The adjustment got me back into a space where I became.. content.

So I let go. I gave myself permission and am completely at peace that I no longer need this part of my life.

And here I am verging of being the stay-at-home-mum/studier/start-up-blogger/happiness seeker and what I have to offer is that maybe we get quitting and letting-go mixed up and misused. They each have a purpose in our life. The most important factor is that the definition sits ok with you.

To divorce or stay together? To keep studying or start working? To sell or stay? What do you need to quit and what are you ready to let go? The lesson I’m taking with me is to ask the question first. Don’t berate yourself on the answer, neither is right or wrong. Just make sure you know the difference before you do it.

 

Images: Stanley Kubrick via Flicker, Talasanayoga.com

The Post-Baby Body: The Celebrity vs. You

Admittedly I was kind of shocked. The #loveyourlines campaign on Instagram is pretty confronting stuff if you’re a woman who loves nothing more than to hide them. And I am one such lady.

I can only admire the almost 200 women who’ve hashtaged their personal struggles and stories with their post-baby body onto the page. With over 63,000 people following the trend it’s clearly a point of interest.

And I’m going to guess that’s because there’s strong support (and perhaps curiosity) for how so many women can dig a whole lot deeper to celebrate more than what’s stretched across the surface. In a world obsessed with the celebrity post-baby slim down here’s a bunch an army of women who not only can let-go of perceived perfection but are willing to declare it with a photograph for the world to see. Gutsy stuff.

I think it’s this gutsy sharing amongst women that has this campaign turning comparison on its head. When I first landed on the hundreds of images of ripples, rolls, scars and sags it kinda brought a feeling of comfort. You know that moment when you confess something to a girlfriend and she turns to you and says “Yep, I have that too.” There’s a bit of relief that you’re not alone. Or (and this probably isn’t in line with the spirit of the campaign – but) that yours aren’t as bad? It’s human female nature.

So comparison got me reminiscing on an article I wrote in my last year of uni titled The post-baby body: The celebrity versus you. It was around the time Miranda  Kerr stepped onto the catwalk three months after giving birth – and it was headline news.

I wanted to look a little closer at the celebrity-post-baby-body thing; why do we love it and hate it equally as much? Enter a switched on psychology researcher with some aussie-grown research on the ‘Yummy-Mummy’ and a recently new mum and gym instructor and I had full-term team of experts.

And for a bit of insight (and a flash-back to a short-lived interest in traditional journalism) it’s here for your perusing. And, as the article explores, whoever the comparison comes next to let’s keep it real.

THE POST-BABY BODY: THE CELEBRITY VERSUS YOU

Another celebrity post-baby body: Celebuzz.com features model Miranda Kerr returning to work on Malibu Beach, California on April 17, 2011. Kerr gave birth to a son Flynn January 6, 2011.

 

That toned and tanned tummy. Those ever so delicately defined arms. And that highly perched and perfectly rounded butt – it looks like it must have been poured into that bikini.

In a photograph taken just three months after giving birth Miranda Kerr’s beautiful body is no doubt that of a supermodel.

It’s hard for our eyes not to be drawn to yet another celebrity’s trim and tight post-baby body splashed across a cover page. Internet sites like People.com even include a body watch segment allowing you to compare a celebrity’s post-baby body before and after. But it’s this attraction to celebrity post-baby bodies that sparks a thought for any non-celebrity mum feeling pressure and expectation to lose the baby weight.

As a gym instructor said she had a horrible perception of mothers who still carried weight from their pregnancy. Laughing, Shannon said she questioned why they hadn’t lost the kilos.

“How mean is that? No sympathy what so ever…suck it up get out there and jump higher and you lose everything and that’s how it’ll work,” Shannon said.

Three years down her path of motherhood and just days away from expecting her second child Shannon is now more empathetic admitting to feeling the pressure to lose her own baby weight.

“Everyone said to me ‘You’ll bounce back straight away’. It took me a while and I thought with the fitness ability I had and the knowledge I had… I also thought a lot of people were judging me because of that. For me the expectations I felt were very high,” she said.

Despite those expectations Shannon refuses to compare her post-baby weight loss to that of a celebrity’s.

“I hate it when they bring out celebrities [as a news item]….because they don’t talk about the rest of their life.

When Miranda Kerr came out the other day and all my friends are sitting there saying ‘Wow she’s beautiful’ and I said ‘Yes she is and I take nothing away from her in regards to that however… she has a personal trainer, a chef, a baby sitter. Bring it back to reality. That is not what the majority of women can do.”

In 2008 a study titled Post partum women’s body image: The curse of the yummy mummy psychology researcher Lucia Bongiorno said over 68% of participants indicated it was comparing themselves with their peer group rather than celebrities that made them feel they should diet and lose weight during the post-partum period.

“The socio cultural accepted ideal of body image is that thin is good,” Lucia said.

“Think about it if you put on weight, no one says anything to you…you lose weight and people will go ‘Oh my god you lost weight you look fantastic’. Why is it that we feel we can comment on when people lose weight but not when they gain weight? Because the socio cultural expectancies say that the skinnier you are the better you are and therefore we praise it.

While the media exerted the greatest amount of pressure on women to maintain the ideal, it was actually comparison with their peers, other mums, that made these women feel bad about their bodies and made them want to lose weight,” she said.

However the study also identified that a trend in celebrity body bounce backs was developing a new ideal for post-baby body image.

“We’ve had a group of celebrities that have given birth

Lucia explains that over a period of time the term ‘has emerged to describe the celebrity post-baby weight loss trend. The yummy mummy is young, stylish, attractive and very slim and acts as an alternative to society’s thin ideal relevant to women having babies.

“The media stereotype of the yummy mummy places undue pressure on new mothers to perform to an unrealistic ideal.”

“You’re standing at the supermarketyou stand in line to pay for petrol at the petrol station it’s there. And you might have a quick scan of the cover while you’re next in line to pay. The message is there in our face, the beautiful body image.”

But for Shannon, the unrealistic ideal is only relevant if you let yourself be carried away with that celebrity image.

“Yes the instant perception is ‘My god she looks amazing, I’ve got to look like that,’ but then maybe a bit more reflection. Keep it real.”

 

Images: loveyourlines, DailyNews.com

 

Love to hear your thoughts on this one in the comments below! Or share if you another lady needing a little post-baby uplift x

How to keep your Holiday-Zen

I’ve been lucky enough to indulge in two glorious weeks away from my normal life. It was an escape, in the literal sense, for me an my wee family of three.

My husband had been working long and intense hours at his job while I was beginning to peak, frustrated at my attempts to get the whole working-mum thing down pat. We were crabby, tired and felt like down-time was a luxury available to us only when our heads hit the pillow. We needed to exhale, disconnect and just be.

So as we rushed off to Queensland to do just that (And no, I won’t bore you with my fabulous holiday details.  Who wants to hear that when you’re probably milling away a your desk or you’ve just collapsed into bed after another exhaustive day?) I couldn’t help but pause in the moments that I felt totally chilled, unpressured and relaxed, in it’s simplest form, to think: ‘How can I keep this feeling?’.

As I’ve mentioned here before I’m making my way through Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map and it’s brought me a real awareness and tendency to chase how I want to feel rather than chasing things I think will leave me feeling what I crave.

Let’s be real. Who can afford to jump on a plane and holiday in a new destination once a month? Or is someone who can dedicate 2 weeks to every 4 indulging in poolside tanning and barside liquidating? Nuh-uh.

So rather than be resentful of how I can’t holiday as often as I would like (or become a gypsy who wanders her life away – this girl’s got responsibility now!) I’ve put my energy into keeping that feeling of zen. And it’s kinda hard.

It’s also a little oxymoron-ish. The fact that I had to work hard on holiday to disconnect from all the ‘need-to-remember-tos’ and ‘when-I-get-backs’ is a little odd but typical of a Type-A like myself. But the feeling that comes after the work; the zen, the relaxed, the calm and the I-really-wanna-be-nice-to-all-humans kinda feeling, it just falls right into your lap.

So here’s a few things to ‘work’ on to get back to that holiday feeling:

//Spend small, but frequent, amounts of time outside.

In the four days I’ve been home I’ve walked often, sat on a picnic rug in my backyard with mags and books, worked from outdoor cafes and folded washing from the deck. Things I’d often do from a treadmill, couch or office. We’re built to feel better after being outside but modern life kinda slaps mothernature in the face. Find just 10 mins in your day as an excuse to get outside: do the coffee-run, park your car a block away, sit in the sun to have your lunch break, take phone calls outside the office. Then take it in.

//Do some good people watching.

Now don’t be thinkin’ I’m some kinda sicko that gets off on stalking people – that weirds me out as much as the next person. But, on holidays, don’t you just find yourself hanging out watching the happenings around you, observing the new and different and kinda not caring because you don’t know these people? And aren’t people just damn funny to watch sometimes? You know what I mean; someone drops their fork on the floor, looks around for witnesses, picks it up and keeps on eating. Or that guy with a really loud laugh in the cafe who’s making the whole place cringe with awkwardness. Or the argument you over-hear where the husband asks his wife why she’s standing there like a stunned-mullet (true story – and hey – sometimes us women like to stop mid-traffic to take in what’s in the shop window).

People crack me up. This makes me laugh. And that makes me zen.

//See no-one that you ‘know’ for a whole weekend.

There is something really grounding about being anonymous. And this one will be harder for some more than others. But taking time-out from the interactions you have with your usually people can sometimes bring you an awareness of how much effort those interactions take. This is not necessarily in a nasty, you’re-high-maintenance-and-I-need-less-time-with-you way (or maybe it is?) but a break can highlight how much time you spend doing other things. Perhaps you commit a lot of time to travel to see people or to minding someone’s kids, giving them lifts or just showing-up when needed.

Lay low, don’t commit to stuff and take a break from this part of your life – just like you would on holiday.

//Take more photos, for you, and PRINT them.

Let’s be honest we’re all more active on social media when we’re away sharing all the rad things we’re doing with the people at home who maybe aren’t so much. But what if we just took the photo for ourselves? What if we just took it without analyzing the shot or angle against how it would look on Instagram?

This might be the mumma in me coming out but on holidays I started to see so many more ‘Kodak-moments’ that I just wanted for myself. The more I took the more I stopped to appreciate and take the time to photograph. And with that comes a slowing of the mind and a growing of the gratitude. A really pretty sunset (and like social media needs anymore of those), the inter-family funny moments, cute cafes to remember for next time; all memories just for me.

But as you know they’re filed away nicely in my phone’s albums only to be seen by another individual (and myself) when I remember. So I printed them.

Picture Postie is a great little app that gives you phone-to-mailbox printed photos of all those moments you stop to take in. Opening up the pack and sticking them on the fridge gives me a little everyday-zen as I look back. Memories are made everyday and using photography to raise your awareness of them certainly helps to be in the moment.

 

So if you feel like a re-charge and can’t physically get away this weekend take some time to chase some holiday-zen at home.

Steph xxx

Images: Stephanie Hudson

 

What stories are you telling yourself?

I have a tendency to get global, quickly. By this I mean that often I get totally consumed by what’s in front of me and in front of my mind. Hold a magazine up to your face so it touches your nose. Yep, it’s like that.

You can’t read the words of the story, they’re blurred beyond recognition. You can, however, smell the pages, get a glimpse of one or two images and as your retinas try to focus you might make out one or two of the title words. And you remember the story:

‘Comparison tells all – you’re falling behind.’

Or perhaps the tagline:

‘Get down from that big vision and back to reality.’

or last month’s cover story:

‘101 reasons why you’re just not good enough yet.’

Oh and did I mention they were all by the same author? You may have heard her words before? Ms. Inner Critic.

For me, she’s been published quite a bit of late so I’m busting her on the irresponsible journalism she’s been toting. It’s the sensationalised, self-doubt one-liners that we always hear. Never the good stories. So let’s check it.

Here’s 3 ways (or phrases – whichever you prefer) that might be useful to front her:

1. Identify (a.k.a. ‘Like that’s even half-way true? Bitch pleease.’)

Really needed that a big breathe in huh? And that long exhale? Where did that come from? What were you thinking about? It’s usually a sign you’ve been taking too many short breathes the last few minutes because your heart rate’s up thinkin’ and wishin’ about a…yep, story.

You’re tense, not at all motivated and you’re totally consumed by thoughts. They might even be hard to remember if you’re unconscious to what’s got you going. Identify the story-telling happening in this moment. Call it out and name it. ‘Oh, there it is again. That story: “<enter whatever fear, frustration or bad ju-ju story is relevant to you here>”.’

Verbalising (under your breathe and in private – I get you don’t want to seem cra-cra) is powerful. It brings a big and impossible catastrophe down to a, you guessed it, story.

2. Unhook (a.k.a. ‘You can just back the f*^& up’)

The key word here is separation. Accept that it’s just the story and separate yourself, your being, from that thought. Getting yourself to understand that you are not your thoughts is key to unhooking from the complete mind-consumption going on. For me,  it helps to take a deep breath in, say ‘ok’ and tilt my head to the right.

Yes I know that sounds weird (most humans favour their right side) but it’s brilliant in changing my vision and focus which is essential to the next step.

3. Break the story (a.k.a. A big Demi-Moore-in-Charlie’s-Angels hair flick and a ‘So whatcha gonna do about it?’)

Thr story needs a reel to run – make yours too pre-occupied to help. Start intense focus and attention on exactly what you’re doing in that moment. Washing the dishes? Take notice of the slight dis-colouration on the plate you’re rinsing or a chip in your favourite cup. On the computer? Pay attention to how the keys feel under your finger tips; slippery or soft?

Breaking the story is all about focusing on what’s in front of you right now because that’s opposite of what story wants to do. It wants to run into the future. Slowly, and if like me, after many attempts to distract your mind you’ll eventually have spent enough time away from that story to see it for what it really is – a fabricated article with out-of-context images and shaky according-to-a spokesperson-for-You quotes.

Your inner critic is often just you over-thinking. Over-thinking leads to stories and stories keep our minds far busier than they need to be.

Busy minds miss miracles.

And who wants to miss a miracle?

Image: lucile.be

Are you there yet? Getting clear on what you really want.

Feeling good is life’s primary intention…

 ‘The having-it-all pressure can drive you crazy when things aren’t so perfect. Like it did for Missy, who told me, “Hell, I had it all, on the outside. My business took off, my husband’s a great guy, I had two perfect toddlers. I even had the marble kitchen counter tops. But I was boozing it up in the pantry every afternoon because the pressure to be perfect was getting to me.” She went on: ”Ya know, sometimes I wanted to show up at our mommy walks without a great attitude, or without my makeup, and with my filthy kid, and just say, ‘Ladies, this is all I fuckin’ got to give today!’”

The Desire Map

Amen Missy. A. Men.

The above is an excerpt from an amaze-bomb book I’ve been pouring over the last few weeks: Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul.

Danielle’s a super star in the divinely-led blogger world. Her website, DanielleLaPorte.com, has been referred to as “the best place online for kick-ass spiritualty” and Forbes named it one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women”.

The girl is good.

There’s a bunch fields of quotes, personal stories and let’s-be-real advice that I’ve felt compelled to share with you. But I couldn’t deny my immediate connection to Missy’s story and it’s relevance to the message I’m trying to send here: Perfect ain’t always perfect.

For some of us, we unconsciously play the roles we think we want. Keyword: unconsciously.

We buy the house, study the degree, stay at the ‘good’ job we secured years ago and possibly in the same relationships that went with it. We set the goals and go after them. It makes sense to do this. It’s easier to do this. Until it’s not.

‘…Missy had a breakdown that turned out to be a breakthrough. She moved her family to the country, doubled her business, and quadrupled her peace of mind.’

The Desire Map

Like Missy, it starts with an undeniable feeling (or behaviour – e.g. pantry drinking) that eventually reaches a peak within us that we can no longer handle. We crack. We cry. We act-out or withdraw. We get conscious.

That – right there –  is your soul calling an intervention.

Why? Because…

Feeling good is life’s primary intention.

The brilliance of Danielle’s book is her ability to show you that achieving the ‘goal’ doesn’t always guarantee the ‘feeling-good’ aspect. As she explains:

‘You’re not chasing the goal, you’re chasing the feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you.’

The Desire Map

I get that. I believe that.

Exhibit A: I was a good girl, got good grades all through school and graduated with even better results at Uni. I got every job I ever applied for. Career pathways were offered to me by my boss-ladies and men. I was even part of a pretty cool ‘we’ and together had multiple houses, cash in the bank and lived (and bought) like we wanted. I’d say to myself over and over, ‘This is what you worked for. You have it. You can start feeling complete now please.’

I couldn’t make it happen. In fact the striving to-feel-complete sent me into a sad and messy state as I tried to talk myself into being happy with where I was.

 

Knowing when something’s not right for you (even when it’s ‘perfect’) is one of the best and worst things about being human. It’s called intuition.

It torments us when we’d rather just accept current reality and tread water. Yet, thankfully, it also guides us when we’re brave enough to start stepping on to a new path. It feels what it wants to feel. And if you’re subscribed to listening to it it’s undeniable.

How many times have you heard yourself say: ‘I can’t wait until <insert your seemingly far-far-away life goal here> so I can just feel…’. Sorted? At home? Like I’m qualified? Skinny? Whatever the feeling you’re yearning for, how many times have you declared that you ‘can not wait’ to feel this way?

The Desire Map light bulb moment for me? You don’t have to wait.

‘Small, deliberate actions inspired by you true desires create a life you love.’

The Desire Map

Whether you’ve arrived at your said goal or you’re still busy striving for it stop and reflect – use your intuition. Are you moving towards what you really want? That is: how you really want to feel?

If not, then shift the focus. Change the gears. Walk towards the feeling. In any way.

Do something that reminds you of what your real desire feels like. If affluent, knowledgeable, influential, ease or energised are in your desire vocabulary then do one thing today that makes you feel that way – however small.

 

Test drive the car you can’t yet afford, post a thought-provoking comment to influence conversation, do yoga to feel at ease or blend-up a green smoothie to spark the energy you’re chasing.

The Desire Map’s concept brings the future into the present. Most of us know pretty well whether moving closer or further away from how we really want to feel in our day but having the guts to do something about it has always, ALWAYS, been my sticking point. For this reason I ignored trampled on my something’s-not-right feelings for years.

The truth is we don’t have to wait. There’s no risky moves, resignations or eloping involved. Just small, intentional acts that edge us a little closer to the feelings we crave and in turn the true goals we aspire for in our life.

And while these small life-affirming gestures may seem insignificant they’re a nod to your soul. You hear it. You’re honoring the feeling today. And in that moment you’ll feel a little more positive about working towards where you really want to be. You’ll see possibilities your tormented and teased mind couldn’t comprehend before. You’ll let go of perfection and hold onto pursuit – of feeling good.

Again, why would we do this?

Because feeling good is life’s primary intention.

So thank you Danielle. For me, getting clear on what you actually want to feel like and being able to feel that way TODAY is the best I’m-not-there-yet medicine I can think of goin’ round.

P.S If you’re intrigued by the book and end up buying it I’d love to know what you thought in the comments below!

Images: via Pinterest, bohemianbeyou, daniellelaporte.com

{Found + Shared} Link Love

Link love, of the online kind, is something I chase. When I find a brilliant website, blog, online store or app I feel like I’ve been let in on a new secret. Over the years I’ve stored a gazillon links in bookmarks on my phone, home PC, work PC, tablet and laptop. Partly because I enjoy trolling back through my finds but, more realistically, because I haven’t figured out the whole sync-your-settings-across-multiple-devices thingy.

Given I’m a multi-enthused creature I jump on and through many trends as they serve me. Hence these links jump from home-making to health-seeking, worklife to spiritlife and fitness to fashion – a jumbled mix that’s very much me.

So as it’s winter and you might be spending a little more time inside (and online) I’m here to share the best the online spaces I’ve come to know, love and link to.

 

– P.S. Over the next 8 weeks I’m taking part in the Bright-Eyed + Blog-Hearted eCourse.

I started tofindandshare to lift the load from other perfection-pressured women, to shake that gorilla riding on their back, to break perfection’s spell and its rules. To. Let. It. Go.

And since launching this space I’ve felt pulled towards ramping up it’s offerings, getting more purposeful in it’s message and steering it along a mapped-out, and intention-driven, course.

I’m ALL in for this one.

So I’m keeping it short + sweetend with {Found + Shared}  posts like this one while I’m busy delving into the course work. 

I’d be so grateful for your patience and can’t wait to share with you the new-and-enlightened tofindandshare

  xxx – 

Where it all started and where I like to come back to…

The first blog I ever read. Ever. inspacesbetween.com is Rachel MacDonald’s heartfelt, service-driven and gratitude-soaked online home. Rach and I worked at the same organisation back in 2010 and I had no idea that this PR-chic-from-level-2 had such divinity within her. I’ve watched her blossom from welcome-to-my-cool-hobby to welcome-to-the-home-of-my-six-figure-business. She’s the real deal. If you’re at all into life inspiration, blogging or just like to pick-up positive vibes in online places then head on over. Warning: you’re eyes may get food-drunk – it’s a visual feast!

 

When I want some feel good food…

and

 

sarahwilson.com.au and iqs.com are really great references if you’re trying to live a life less sweet. It’s great for dessert and morning tea recipe inspiration if you’re wanting to find ways of eating goodness while still enjoying the feeling of a treat.

I don’t subscribe to the whole world domination of the eradicate-sugar movement but I do think there’s benefits in knowing how much you’re putting in your body and what it actually does to your body. I’ve also bought (and cooked the hell out of) Sarah’s latest book I Quit Sugar For Life. I haven’t but I certainly learnt a lot!

 

When I’m stumped for what to where…

Ok here’s my tip: search for a piece you already have (a leather jacket, red handbag, burnt orange skirt) and watch all your new ways of how to wear it pop up. Sometimes (in the incredibly privileged western life we live) I forget about the clothing, jewelry, shoes and hats I have. So this is also a great way to weigh-up whether to throw something out. Before you do see how others are wearing it. You might fall in love with it all over again.

 

When I want personalised stationery…

I was addicted when I found Etsy. Probably at the best/worst possible time – planning my wedding. It’s how I found the lovely Jess Bates from Jack & Ella Paper Press. Jess WILL go the extra mile! This comes from a picky bride who stalked her by email for months (yes, not my proudest moment). You can check out her store here.

 

When it’s raining outside and I need to move…

I love this site because you can search a quick class by difficulty and time. Sometime I feel like busting out a few hard warrior poses, other times I’d like a long hour of sun salutations and stretching. Here, the choice is yours. My tip: Kim Wilson’s classes are perfecto.

 

When I’m into a TV show or feel like zoning out…

It’s rare that I find people who are not into Offspring. And if you’re as shocked as I am to hear these people exist then, like me, tenplay.com.au is probably your new best friend. If you’ve missed an episode jump online and stream it or if you feel like re-watching a few other classics (Neighbours, Glee, a-hem Being Lara Bingle) then they’re there too. Perfect for a rainy zone-out-Sunday.

 

and lucky last: when I need some new bedside friends…

Free delivery. Timely service. A million and one books. The Book Depository is my one-stop-shop for all things written.

Happy clicking!

 

Images: lsueszabo,

Seven for yourSelf on Sunday

 – We all have them. Bad weeks. And in the name of practicing what I’ve been preaching I said ‘no’ to a few things last Friday – blogging being one of them. So Lovely, this week it’s all sent from a well-rested and heartfelt place. And if you’re feelin’ me on the bad week then this post is ESPECIALLY for you (and the up-coming meltdown you may be fighting off!). – 

I read a lot about self-love, mindfulness and taking care of yourself. There’s a lot of good, practical advice out there. But there’s also a lot of stuff that makes me cringe. You know, the build-a-shrine-for- yourself type stuff. Or the say-you-love-yourself-in-the-mirror-three-times-a-day kinda practices. While I completely believe this kind of thing works for those kind of people it’s just not me.

What is me and what I can manage on a weekly basis is a little Sunday afternoon/night ritual – in the name of self-love. It makes me feel good and sets me up for a week that’s Teflon to any signs of feeling overwhelmed.

I think there’s a reason why Sunday has always been declared as a ‘day of rest’. We’re like any other processed-orientated being. Unless we use our down time to re-fuel, re-boot or re-whatever-the-hell-you-want-to we just can’t sustain our focus, speed or efficiency that our working week has come to indulge in. I think sometimes Sundays get taken over by family-obligated events, grocery shopping, sports, bad TV, household chores that can’t wait and even I’ll-get-that-done-before-Monday work tasks.

Try to be conscious in your down time. There’s no point in rushing through a list of ‘relaxing’ things thinking at the end you’ll be delivered with an unplugged and chilled-out feeling. The zen is actually in the time it takes you to do these things. The time you wouldn’t or couldn’t allow yourself before. Admittedly you’ll get to enjoy the smooth and soft feeling some of these things leave you with but mindfulness about why you’re doing them is key.

So here they are…

1. A good-ol-fashioned Sunday casserole

Dice it all up and chuck it all in. No browning of the meat or caramelising of the onions (I personally can’t tell the difference on a 4 or 8 hour cook) and all with a can of tomatoes and some fresh herbs. Having this simmering away in the background means you’ll not only avoid the 5pm rush hour (and the onset of Sunday afternoon Mondayitis ) but you’ll also have one less meal to cook during the week. Try this super-simple recipe from The Whole Daily for Slow-Cooked Sweet Balsamic Lamb Shanks. Last Sunday I threw all the ingredients in the slow cooker and walked away – it was da-bomb.

2. Leave-in conditioner (because it can ‘…happen overnight’ and it does ‘…happen’)

The next best feeling to that just-had-my-hair-cut glow. Whether you’re a morning, night or both kinda shower person, on Sunday, spray or dollop some leave-in conditioner into your strands. It adds a whole 2 minutes extra to your shower routine but leaves you with glossy locks that’ll last all week (if you do this regularly). Your hair will feel smoother, softer and you’ll look in the mirror and curse at it less – promise! My favourite is De Lorenzo’s Instant Reconstructurant. It’s a perfect spray-n-go and a little goes a very long way.

3.Change the bed sheets.

Nuff said. I’ll admit I don’t always get to it every single Sunday (is that gross?) but if the weather’s been kind for washing and I get a smooth run in the afternoon it’s the biggest pay-off: smooth, crisp and fresh sheets to dive into Sunday night.

4.Nail polish  – take it alllll off.

I know, you were thinking a top-up coat weren’t you? Well if you can make time – go for it! But personally by Sunday any nail polish I’ve skimped on quickly during the week is pretty cracked and peeling. It’s a sore sight and a constant reminder that ‘I need to do my nails’… so I take it off. A clean slate, an a-la-natural feeling and the added benefit of giving my nail beds some time to breathe and avoid them drying out.

5.Re-pack your hand bag.  

Actually, this is more of a sort-out-all-the-crap-you’re-carrying-around-with-you than a pack-situation. I gather so much stuff during the week: receipts, baby toys, fruit-I-mean-to-snack-on, more receipts, pens and there’s usually a half-drunk bottle of water swishing around in there too. And for anyone who’s tried to call me and always gets message bank…I missed you because I was elbow deep looking for my phone! Take it all out, put the necessary back in. It’s a sure way to get lighter and less chaotic when you’re out-n-about.

6.Read or Write

This one is about mental renewal (I know it’s a random book collection we house at our place!). Mindfulness. Creativity. All the good stuff we often don’t let ourselves indulge in during the working hours. I don’t think you have to get too woo-woo here on the mindfulness stuff but just find something that completely absorbs you. This is what actually gives your mind a break from the guzillion thoughts you usually have running through your head. It’s one book with one story for one moment.

There’s also a bunch of proven benefits to reading too.

Read what makes you feel good – but check-in on yourself with this. Be honest. Don’t pick up a trash-mag because it’s a mind-numbing, easy, exercise that you know will just end up making you feel crap because you’re obsessing over the pictures and all the lumps and bumps you can’t see. You’re doing damage here. This is a small part of a Sunday you’ve chosen for yourself remember? So read something that honestly serves you, gets you feeling inspired, excited, hopeful or just relaxed.

Or if reading isn’t your bag then try writing it out – journal your thoughts, write an email to an interstate girlfriend or a cheeky lunch-box note for your partner. Pen-to-paper is gold.

Trust me, when you find the thing to read or write you’ll want to draw on this in he not-so-inspired moments of the week.

7. Skip X-Factor…get an early night.

Yeah I know – it’s not rocket science – but how many actual early Sunday nights do you get? Heading to bed at 8.00pm to only settle in front of the tele doesn’t count. Sleep is one of the best ways to nourish our bodies and if you’re going to kick-ass all week then you need to load-up. Sleep allows our bodies to restore and detoxify given they don’t have to worry about keeping up to our daily functions.

And if that’s not enough reason to get you into bed then think of all the cellular renewal that you’re not getting – Hun, it’s a free wrinkle cream!

So this Sunday be a little gentler, kinder and self-loving and set yourself up for a great week.

 

Images: via Pinterest,  Butter with a side of bread.com, Stephanie Hudson, Stephanie Hudson,iStock, Stylecaster.com, Stephanie Hudson, Gianmacro Giudici